Where Did Our Love Go? | relationship advice | Blog | Better Marriages | Educating Couples - Building Relationships

Where Did Our Love Go?

by Linda A. Marshall
Courtesy of Partners in Life

  • Do you question if your partner loves you anymore?
  • Have you started to take each other for granted?
  • Is the zing you felt when you first fell in love gone?
  • Do your attempts to care for your partner go unnoticed?
  • Are you asking yourself, “What’s wrong with us?”
  • Are you longing for the pleasure you felt in each other’s company when you first fell in love?

Never fear … you are normal human beings. Our brain and nervous system are designed in such a way that this is our predictable, almost certain future. We want the stimulation and pleasure we felt during the time we were falling in love and the endorphins were coursing through our bodies to last forever. We crave reliable comfort and pleasure. However, for all of us, reliability eventually loses its allure.
At first when we get the love we want, we experience exhilaration. After a period of regularly getting what we want, we come to expect it and that initial high begins to even out and plateau. Our challenge is to trick our neural system so that the sensation of getting the love we want is stimulated and kept alive in our partnership! Valentine’s Day was probably created to provide such stimulation, but as several of our coaches have pointed out, it takes more than one “expected” day of the year to keep our love spiking. Love needs to be tended regularly. So, how do we do that?
See section three for Suggestions to Keep Your Love Alive. Be creative and make these suggestions fit the two of you. Learn your partner’s love language. Your predictable, almost certain future does not have to be your inevitable, unavoidable future! Have fun!!