Connecting Hearts | Holidays | Blog | Better Marriages | Educating Couples - Building Relationships

Connecting Hearts

by David L. Banks, PhD

David Banks will be speaking at the Better Marriages Conference: Educating Couples, Building Relationships July 11-14, 2013 in Raleigh, NC.


Valentine’s Day is more than just chocolates and roses for my wife, Sylvia and I.  For us, this day, commemorates our first date on February 14, 1988. We were both college students, majoring in Psychology. Although, we shared some classes together, we had not really spent much time together.

The Valentine’s banquet seemed like the perfect occasion to spend some time with this young,  Indian lady. I ordered a corsage for her and had it delivered to her dorm. I vividly remember how she looked that evening in her beautiful pink dress and her long black hair.

The evening was quite memorable for both of us. After the banquet, we enjoyed some coffee  together and listened to Kenny G. The connection we both felt was strong and sincere. It lead to us building a friendship and two years later making a marital covenant relationship.

We have been happily married for over twenty years. We now know that a marriage is more

than just a wedding day celebration. It takes a heart connection. We have worked hard through out our
years of marriage to keep our hearts connected.

Too often, couples get married and life takes over and before they know it distance takes place
and the heart connection is lost. In my new book: 2 Become 1, I discuss that most marriages go
through a natural process that often leads to distance. I also share helpful insights and practical ways to
keep the heart connection alive.

Here are three principles to help you keep your hearts connected:

  1. Commit to agreement –the power of agreement diffuses the weapon of division. Couples should come into agreement and make a commitment to strive to make their marriage the best. They should set aside time to work on their marriage and be intentional, take time to evaluate and develop a plan to make improvements.
  2. Pursue a marital vision—find one word that you want your marriage to look like and pursue that daily. For example, ours is EDEN, we desire our marriage to resemble paradise. Couples should focus more on what their marriage can become, rather than what it is.
  3. Initiate to meet each other’s needs—Men want to feel successful and women long for security. We took 3×5 cards and wrote down how our mate could help us with that need to feel successful or secure. Exchange cards and let it be a reminder to serve one another in this way.

These three principles will help couples to make and keep the heart connection. It does take time and couples must be intentional. If you would like more tips on how to keep the heart connection, please contact me at: "> or visit the website at: www.marriagebecoming1.com