“The first step in dealing with conflict is to make decisions when you’re NOT angry about how you’re going to act when you ARE angry.” (Sarah Catron)
Guidelines for processing our anger:
- Acknowledge anger – open up about your feelings using good communication skills
- Look behind the anger – look below the surface to identify the primary cause
- Do not attack – avoid the words “always” and “never” – agree not to blame, yell, criticize, use sarcasm, belittle, name call, bring up the past, judge, physically assault
- Accept responsibility for clearing it up – anger in one partner affects the total relationship. Regardless of where the anger originates, both have equal responsibility for clearing it up.
- Take a time out – anger cannot be processed until both partners have cooled down. It’s impossible to process anger in the heat of anger.
Talk About It
- On a scale of 1 (never follow the guidelines) to 5 (always follow the guidelines) rate how you personally process anger in your relationship.
- What things do you do as an individual and as a couple that are positive in the way you handle conflict?
- What things do you do as an individual and as a couple that are negative in the way you handle conflict?
- What personal guidelines will you establish together about processing anger?
