Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

wafflesMen Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti
By Bill & Pam Farrel
Reviewed by Lana Wheatley Better Marriages Texas Board of Directors

This book has quite a dose of humor, and I found myself laughing out loud several times as I recognized myself and my husband in some of the situations. Not every generalization fits every person, but enough will fit to make you smile. This book is a favorite of mine because it is easy and fun to read, and there are many useful ideas for action that you can apply to your marriage.

Bill and Pam Farrel strongly believe that “Happiness and passion in marriage do not come from finding the right partner, but in being the right partner.”  In this refreshing and delightful book, they explain why men are like waffles (compartmentalized) and women are like spaghetti (everything connected). Through fun and humor, they give practical ideas to help each of us use these differences to create more intimacy and understanding in our marriage.

A man is like a waffle in that he processes life in boxes, preferably, one box at a time. When he is at work, he is at work. When he is watching television, he is watching television. Because he deals best with only one thing at a time, he is usually very good at solving problems; he enters his box, sizes it up, formulates a solution, and moves on to the next issue.

In contrast, a woman is like spaghetti in that she processes life by connecting every thought and issue. While a woman is talking on the phone, she may also be preparing a meal, thinking about her appointments for next week and planning a surprise birthday party for her mother. She is usually good at multi-tasking.

The Farrels use their years of working with couples to give various examples of relationship challenges. They remind us that wives don’t always want their problems solved when they are talking to their husbands. Men, being problem solvers, want to solve what is on their mind before the conversation is concluded. They give working suggestions on how to get past these natural tendencies of men and women, so that we can succeed together as husband and wife.

With a light-hearted style, Bill and Pam do a great job covering a variety of topics that apply to all areas of marriage. Each chapter deals with a different aspect covering the following topics:  communication, ways of relaxing, love in the bedroom, upkeep of the home, parenting, teamwork, conflict, and goal setting. There are “Couple Communication Questions” that go with each chapter and “Discussion Questions” that can be used in a marriage education group setting.

One of my favorite chapters in the book is Chapter 6: Waffles and Spaghetti in Conflict, Hot Waffles and Simmering Marinara.  They remind us that “Conflict can, in fact, heighten your understanding of what is really important in your relationship if you know how to make it work for rather than against you.” The way Bill and Pam emphasize looking for “win/win situations” during conflict, explaining why men tend to withdraw more often, and learning to forgive each other were the highlights of this chapter.

 

 

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