By Ryan Frederick
A few weeks back, I met a gentleman at church named Tim. Tim and his wife had been married many years (I can’t remember exactly, but it was at least 30) and weathered many trials through their marriage (cancer included).
Naturally I asked him what the secret was – as I usually do when I meet someone with an epic marriage. “How have they stuck together through everything?” – I asked him this knowing that we shared our faith and reliance on Jesus Christ.
He simply replied, “The 15 second kiss.”
Intrigued, I asked, “What do you mean?“… though I suppose I could have figured it out.
He responded, “Every day, my wife and I always give each other a 15 second kiss. It’s long enough that you can’t fake it – it forces us to connect.”
I had never heard of purposefully timing a kiss. It was a novel idea I was anxious to try!
Our “15 Second Kiss” Trial
Selena and I kiss plenty, but we realized that we don’t often kiss for more than a few seconds. I’m not exactly sure why, but I do know it wasn’t like that when we were dating. We made out way too much and for too long when we were dating…
After my “sales pitch”, Selena and I agreed to try a few days with the “15 second kiss” rule. Here’s what we learned (or were reminded of)…
1) 15 seconds isn’t that long… except when you’re kissing
We burn 15 seconds all the time without thinking about it. We sit on our phones, daydream, work around the house, you name it – 15 seconds is a short amount of time for most tasks. However, when you’re kissing and consciously timing it, 15 seconds seems to be longer. And that’s a good thing!
At first we were both aware of the time because of the novelty of the exercise. It didn’t take long for us to simply get lost in the kiss. If other couples are like us, we get too busy to “get lost” doing anything. The 15 second kiss was a refreshing reminder that we can truly get lost in our affection for one another.
2) It’s nearly impossible to kiss for an extended period of time and not feel closer
Kissing is intimate. We found that as we “got lost” in the kiss, we were getting lost together. And when we were lost together we truly found each other. (Oh that sounds poetic…)
Kissing makes us feel closer; and since we always want to feel closer it makes sense to make purposed kissing a daily part of our lives.
3) It refocused us on “who” we are to each other
My husband is my best friend.When you’re “kissably-close” to your spouse, smelling their breath, feeling their skin, you remember who they are as a person. It’s easy to begin seeing your spouse as a roommate or casual partner, but kissing reminds us of the distinctly human qualities (good and bad) that we fell in love with in the first place.
Kissing forces us to drown out distractions around us. We had to consciously tune everything else out and focus solely on each other – something we can all agree we need more of.
4) Kissing is a gateway drug
Kissing contributes to overall friskiness. We are both… ahem… more “intimacy minded” after the 15 second kisses than we are before.
5) Kissing refreshes and energizes us
Perhaps it’s just the friskiness, or maybe something else, but kissing is like an adrenaline shot. We both feel excited and energized after a 15 second kiss.
Try for yourselves!
Whether you and your spouse are constant kissers or even if you’ve forgotten what a french kiss is, I highly recommend giving this exercise a shot. Feel free to go longer than 15 seconds, but certainly don’t go shorter – at least not after you try it a few times.
I’m confident it will have a positive impact on your relationship with your spouse. Give it a try and report back with your findings.
Question: Have you tried the 15 second kiss? If so, tell us about your experience in the comment
Posts Tagged ‘improve marriage’
By Ryan Frederick
By Alan Ray, Marriage Team
Alan Ray is a professional member of Better Marriage
The holiday season is fast approaching as evidenced by an early cold snap and snowfall. I suspect that many of us have holiday plans that involve family or travel or a combination of both family and travel. Holidays are a great time for creating wonderful memories as we share with family and friends and celebrate all that we have to be thankful for. Holidays are also a great time for creating stress with holiday decorations, hanging lights, travel, shopping, gift wrapping, sending Christmas cards, special church services, food preparation, and the confusion associated with large gatherings of family and friends in cramped quarters.
No one wants to get stressed, yet it seems to happen more often during the Holidays. Little things can become big things, and pretty soon we are frustrated and showing it. From there, it seems to snowball as one family member gets stressed and shows it and before long others are reacting and adding to the stress. It is almost like stress is the flu and one sick person can infect the entire family. So what is the stress equivalent of a flu shot?
Here are some simple tips that come straight from MarriageTeam’s coaching approach to healthy communication:
• Set realistic expectations. Realize that holidays are a “team event” and that working together will help insure a positive outcome.
• Ask family and friends about their expectations for the day and find ways to help them meet them.
• Communicate with family and friends about your expectations for the day.
• Remember to use a “I statement” when you are feeling stressed and own what is going on with you.
• Actively listen to those around you who appear to be getting stressed. Once you understand what is going on in their minds, you will be in a much better position to respond effectively.
• Develop a new play with your teammate in advance about likely scenarios that you can foresee might be stressful. Potential situations that come to my mind include food preparation, meal clean-up, travel arrangements, criticism from in-laws, etc. If you work together, you will be in a much better position to reduce each other’s stress.
So let’s make this the best holiday season ever as we prepare to celebrate all the blessings we have.
By SoundVision.com Staff Writer
Whether you are married for just a month or for a decade, you often take your spouse for granted. Courtesy, gratitude, and care for each other wears off. The same person whom, once upon a time, you would thank for little things, now feels unappreciated by you for all that they do for you every day.
Why is it that today if some “stranger” offers you a drink or holds the door for you, you jump to thank them even before their act of kindness is completed, and yet, you show no gratitude to your husband or wife’s hard work all day long?
What we fail to realize is that expressing gratitude benefits both partners in the relationship—the recipient and the giver. When you give appreciation, you often receive even more in return.
One researcher found on days when spouses felt more gratitude toward their partner, they felt more attached to him or her and more pleased even the following day. Recipients of gratitude also increased their satisfaction on days when it was expressed.
Researchers refer to gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Moreover, each unit of improvement in expressed appreciation decreased by half the odds of the couple breaking up in six months, based on Scientific American’s December 2009 article, “The Happy Couple: Secrets to a Long Marriage.”
Every day is filled with wonderful opportunities to tell the special person in your life, how grateful you are for this relationship. Here are some simple ways to shower your husband or wife with well-deserved appreciation everyday:
1.Thank your spouse because they care, not because it’s their job. When your spouse helps with a chore, whether it’s doing dishes, taking out garbage, feeding the baby, or doing groceries, don’t think it’s their job. Moreover, don’t take their work for granted just because you do your share of chores also. Appreciate the care and thoughtfulness that your husband or wife invests in this day-to-day grunt work.
2.Tell them why you appreciate their act of kindness. Your spouse would be delighted to know why you are grateful. Moreover, specifying what makes you thankful shows you are sincere in your appreciation. Say: “Thank you for cleaning the snow. It gave me some time to relax!” or “It was nice of you to take kids to play outside as I was able to work on my assignment in peace.”
3.Be creative in expressing thanks. Learn and use different phrases every time. If you keep using “Thank you” all the time, it loses its charm and meaning after a while. Try more personalized phrases: “I appreciate it”, “I love it when you….”, “I am grateful for…”, “What would I do without your help”…etc.
4.Appreciate the time and thoughtfulness, not only the results. Even when your partner goofs up and is unable to deliver up to your expectations, thank them for their effort and time. If your spouse forgets to buy an item from the long list of groceries, or if he or she burns the dinner, don’t make them feel all their work was wasted. “It’s not a big deal, honey. Thank you for your effort.”
5.Look for positives to appreciate even in negative circumstances. How often you get upset when your husband or wife tells you: “Honey, I have to work extra hours next weekend to meet a project deadline,” or “I am running late tonight,” or “My mom is feeling ill and she will need my help this week.” Instead of whining, thank them for calling you and informing about the situation. This way, your spouse will do their best to reciprocate and make up for the inconvenience.
6.Write and leave surprise “Thank You” notes. You would be surprised, how powerful these little acts of gratitude can be in making your husband or wife feel special. These can make their day. You can hide a note somewhere for your partner to discover, or send a quick text message on your way to work, or shoot a heartfelt email, to simply say “Thank You!”
7.Let them know how important they are to your success. Count your blessings and accomplishments in life, and inform your husband or wife about the impact they have in your success. Whether it’s your career, academic pursuits, parenting, community work, or spiritual growth, appreciate how your spouse contributes to the achievement of your goals.
8.Praise and thank them in private and public. Many a times a husband or wife feels appreciated at home, but feel they are worthless when they step out in public domain. Some couples don’t think there is a need to thank their special ones in public. On the other extreme, some spouses only thank each other in public to show people how well-mannered they are, while they are abusive at home. When your gratitude is consistent and sincere in all spheres of your married life, you will see the positive impact of it in your relationship.
9.Go out of your way when they need help. The true test of a grateful attitude is when you take initiative to make someone feel special and serve them when they need your care the most. If your wife or husband feels down or drained one day, be more thoughtful. Offer to do the chores rather than waiting to be asked. Let them take a nap, give them a message, or given them a break from children.
10. Use the time-tested method to thank. Say thank you with a gift. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Flowers, or a box of chocolates, or a dinner out at a restaurant, or a gift certificate to a spa.
Do you worry that your marriage will never completely heal because of an affair? Not only can your relationship recover, but it can be better than before.
If you’ve been cheated on, you often wonder how you can be certain it’ll never happen again. You wonder how you can ever trust your spouse again. After all, your spouse has been such a believable liar in the past, so you don’t know if you’ll be able to see through future lies.
Despite all the questions and betrayal that you feel, there are ways that you and your spouse can recover from an affair and come out stronger for it.
1) Create accountability. Whenever there is an affair, there’s almost always two vulnerabilities going on: 1) something in the relationship that made it vulnerable to an affair, and 2) a vulnerability in one of the partners to act out and have an affair. Because of this, there is accountability for both partners to take. You can take accountability by looking inside the relationship to see what made the relationship vulnerable to the affair, and you can work to fix that vulnerability now and in the future.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault that your partner cheated on you. Many relationships go through low points, and most people are able to make it through without having an affair. The fact that your spouse acted on the vulnerability in the relationship by having an affair is 100 percent his or her responsibility — and your spouse needs to take ownership for what it was inside of him or her that acted out.
2) Create new boundaries. Boundaries not only protect you, but they also send messages to others about how to treat you. As a couple, you need to identify ways to repair broken boundaries and protect your relationship from outside influences. This means the partner who was having the affair needs to show that he or she is willing to put the relationship first. This means stopping communication with the affair partner, dedicating more time to the marriage and discovering the many ways your spouse has allowed outside influences to come before your marriage.
You also need to create new boundaries. You need to make it clear to your partner what you will and won’t accept in the relationship, and you need to make it clear what your expectations in the relationship are moving forward.
3) Find your inner voice. No one expects his or her spouse to have an affair. But in all my years of practice, I can probably count on one hand the times when a spouse has been completely surprised that his or her partner was having an affair. Most of the time, spouses say they saw signs but ignored them, or they’ll say that they had their suspicions but didn’t think it was really possible.
The truth is, if you really think about it, you’ve had an inner voice all along that was telling you something wasn’t quite right. It might not have been very loud or it might have been easy to ignore, but if you look back, you’ll see that it really was there all along. And listening to that same inner voice will give you the confidence moving forward to trust yourself and see for certain whether your spouse is doing the work necessary to protect your relationship from another affair.
4) Learn to love again. After creating accountability, setting boundaries and letting your inner voice shine through, it’s time to learn to love again. This means it’s time to soften those places that have become guarded or calloused as a result of the affair. If your partner has been taking ownership and protecting the relationship by setting boundaries, it’s normally safe to let yourself love again — which means you can trust your spouse with your heart again and begin to build a new relationship.
Remember, your old relationship with your spouse was vulnerable, so you don’t want that one back again. You need to make a new relationship that builds on the strengths you’ve learned through the healing process. In a very real way, you’ve become different people and are learning to love each other again. Both you and your relationship are all the better for it because you’ve addressed and overcome the vulnerabilities within the relationship and within yourself.
As time goes by and you both settle into your daily routines, sometimes it gets harder to think of new and exciting things to do together.
There are always new restaurants to try or new places to visit and explore, but it seems like the things you still do together have become all too familiar.
Try something together that can be your very own. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Motorcycling in Matrimony
Whether you’re cruising along a coastal highway or zipping through country terrain, taking a ride on a motorcycle with your loved one can be an almost magical experience.
Before you strap on your helmet and fuel up your machine, you’ll need to do some pre-planning. You will either need a permit, an endorsement on a regular driver’s license, or a motorcycle license. As for insurance, check the minimum insurance requirements and look for discounts. For registration, you’ll need the basic paperwork like you do for a car—emissions, proof of insurance, proof of title and your permit or license. Check your state DMV for a detailed list.
You’ll be out in all kinds of weather and you need to dress for it appropriately. Motorcycle apparel like leather jackets are standard wear, as well as gloves and pants. And don’t forget the boots.
Popular motorcycle riding destinations include Michigan’s Tunnel of Trees, Beartooth Pass, Wyoming and San Juan Mountain Skyway in Colorado.
Kayaking is a great way to connect with nature. You can go fishing or relax and watch the sun set right from the seat of the kayak.
There are SINK (sit inside kayaks) and SOT (sit on top) kayaks. Both styles can be purchased or rented. Talk it over with your partner as to which you would prefer.
As far as safety, you will need a PFD (a personal flotation device). Do not go kayaking without a good one and wear it at all times. Take a kayaking lesson with a certified instructor to learn the basics. A first-aid and CPR lesson can be taken as an added measure of precaution.
Remember to stay hydrated and pack a gallon of water. Also recommended is a first aid or supply kit that contains band aids, anti-acids, energy bars, lotion, sunscreen and aspirin. Seal it in an air-tight container. Some kayakers place the container in a ziplock bag to ensure it won’t get wet.
Wear bright colored clothing when you kayak such as orange or yellow. This way you can be seen by other boats and won’t encounter any accidents.
Add a Touch of Spontaneity
If you don’t want to do something strenuous, there are many other things that you two can start together that don’t take much planning.
Get season tickets for your favorite sports teams, the opera or the symphony. A spontaneous night out can be fun for the both of you.
Take swing-dancing lessons. Let the music be your guide and let-loose!
Pick a day or weekend and have a movie marathon. Make sure you have popcorn, soda and candy and then make a bed on the floor and watch movies. Just like you did when you were young.
By Gina Barreca/Hartford Courant, October 20, 2014
Here’s what I’ve learned in 23 years of marriage: Love isn’t blind, but it can be hard of hearing.
At the beginning of a relationship, you hang onto each other’s every word the way you hang onto each other’s arms: more to display affection than to satisfy a real need. You laugh at every story and gasp in delight at every exaggerated tale.
Every conversation begins a new pathway.
Your heart beats faster when you hear your name or an endearment murmured by your beloved. You spend hours wondering whether you should repeat how much you care or if that would be overdoing it. Your sweetheart probably heard it the first time, but it might be worth repeating.
Then familiarity sets in and, like the foundation to a house, you settle into each other for better and worse.
You’ve learned every pause for comic effect and quirky inflection of the well-worn funny story. You know when an exaggeration is close to a fib and when a fib is close to a lie. Your heart beats faster when you hear your name or an endearment because it often precedes a request or a rebuke. If there’s no answer when you shout, you wonder whether you should shout again or if that would be overdoing it.
You realize how important it is to be heard and how even more important it is to listen. Listening can’t be overdone.
So you each listen, and you both learn your cues.
In a good relationship, the dialogue always changes slightly, even when you’re more or less rehearsing other conversations. If you’re lucky, you’re rarely playing to an empty house.
And at the best of times, in the most fortunate of lives, in the most hard-won, fiercely protected and carefully cultivated relationships, there can come a time when you go beyond listening with your ears and know it in your bones.
It’s not only about finishing each other’s sentences, although that’s part of it. It’s knowing that the ground on which the foundation is built is unyielding; it’s understanding that there are pathways to each other that rest beneath both of you like power lines, buried under the earth, unseen and silent.
There’s an old joke about an aging couple. He wants to prove that his poor wife is losing her hearing. He decides to collect hard data to take to their family doctor. While she’s cooking, he starts the test. Approaching her from the doorway without being seen, he asks, “What are we having for dinner tonight, honey?” No response. He moves 10 feet closer and speaks louder. “What are we having for dinner tonight, honey?” Still nothing. She doesn’t even turn around. He feels bad, but she needs to admit she has a problem. Finally, now standing no more than two feet behind her, he makes his final attempt. “WHAT ARE WE HAVING FOR DINNER TONIGHT, HONEY?” he yells. “FOR THE THIRD TIME ALREADY,” she yells back, “WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN.”
My husband has tinnitus, which used to be known as having “ringing in your ears” but is now defined as the perception of sound when no external sound is present. If you live with me, according to Michael, there is no such thing as having “no external sound present,” but we’re managing.
Sure, there are some odd conversations: On a recent holiday, he stopped to ask for driving directions. A local woman told him to take the “roundabout.” Only Michael heard what she said as “banana boat.” She was pointing in the direction of a yellow building and he assumed that’s what she meant. “Is that the banana boat?” he asked. She kept pointing to the traffic circle, trying to override his comment. “Roundabout! Go toward the roundabout!” “Banana boat? Is that the banana boat?” Finally she just smiled and walked away.
As he told me the story, when he returned to the car, we laughed so hard we were wiping tears from our eyes.
After 23 years, it turns out that conversations can become epic journeys (with some roundabouts).
And the best parts are worth repeating — with bells on.
There’s no doubt that it it takes work to maintain a strong, loving, meaningful marriage, but it’s that work combined with compromise that can also make a successful marriage so fulfilling. If you’re looking for ways to strengthen your marriage and make sure it withstands the test of time, hone in on the fundamentals of marriage such as communication, honesty and romance—and think a little creatively, too. Here are a few unconventional ways to ensure that love keeps burning strong.
According to Science-Based Life, there are three components to romantic love: intimacy, passion and commitment. Intimacy requires the sharing of inner emotions, fun and fear. Many confuse intimacy with either sex or emotional meltdowns. Though you can be intimate during these events, many day-to-day activities can also inspire intimacy, such as playing games together.
Play video games together. They don’t require special weather conditions like outdoor sports do, and they enable couples to communicate and work together while playing. Plus, it’s just a lot of fun. Pick up a PlayStation 4 and use it for gaming, watching videos or exercising together. These daily bonding activities are the basis of a truly intimate lifelong relationship.
Evaluate TV in the Bedroom
For years, marriage experts have advised against TV in the bedroom, saying that the room should be reserved for sleeping and passionate endeavors. “Many couples with televisions in their bedroom use it as a distraction from connecting and to avoid intimacy, which can be thwarting to your sex life,” says Emily Morse, Ph.D., sex and relationship expert and co-founder of Emily & Tony. However, this depends on the couple, she advises. “If couples are setting ‘date nights’ around their favorite TV shows or watching erotic movies together and this inspires them to cuddle and have sex, the benefits for this type of situation are clear.”
Consider how watching TV in your bedroom affects you and your partner—is it something that distracts from your relationship, or is it something that brings you and your partner closer? Aim for the latter.
Because of work demands and finances, many couples do not take vacation. Because of this, they miss out on the opportunity to rekindle passion, explore intimacy and develop another component of love: commitment.
Make vacations a priority. They don’t need to be long to be effective—even a weekend getaway can help to break the routine of everyday life. Focus on making memories together and getting out of your comfort zone, even if it’s a staycation for just a day or two. By re-prioritizing your relationship, you’re taking your passion and intimacy and recommitting it into the marriage.
Take Up a Hobby
Adopt a new hobby and learn something new together. Whether it’s ballroom dancing, ice hockey, playing the guitar or photography, you’ll forge a new bond by exploring something new together. Make your new interest a priority by scheduling time for it on a regular basis. As you discover new layers within your hobby, you’ll also learn more about your partner.
By Emma Jackson
To define the characteristics of a good marriage is, in many ways, to open a hornet’s nest, since happiness is a difficult thing to define and relationships are often so intricate and personal that only those within them know the secret ingredients that keep them together. According to relationships expert and author of many best-selling books, including The Dance of Intimacy, Dr. Harriet Lerner, despite our differences, there are clear and defined basics that mark all healthy relationships, including marriage. In this article we share a few of her useful tips:
• Respect for difference: We sometimes fall in love with a person but make the mistake of trying to change ingrained aspects of their personality or way of processing events and information, only to become frustrated when they do not conform to our ideal. In all relationships, it is vital to respect that a significant other does not feel or think the same about some aspects of life or about particular situations. In The Dance of Intimacy, Lerner suggests that unity is important, but so is the recognition of independence. Lerner says,
“ ‘Being who we are’ requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. Allowing the other person to do the same means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels, and believes differently, without needing to change, convince, or fix the other.”
• Think of yourselves as a team: A team has common goals, though each component has his/her own role to play. When serious issues come up (involving finances, child rearing, etc.), a team spirit will help you focus on where you are going rather than on arguing for your corner.
• Argue about an issue, not about the person: According to Michael Hyatt in One Little Word that Almost Always Provokes Conflict, when arguing over a heated issue, couples often make the mistake of attacking the person through conflictive language such as “You always…” “You never…” Remember to stick to the issue at hand; do not bring up a string of anecdotes from the past in an attempt to attack your spouse’s character or general behavior. This leads to defensiveness and stops you from solving the problem at hand.
•Be committed: At times, marriage can be tense. Don’t take the easy way out by seeking solace in a third party or ending the relationship as soon as the honeymoon stage is over. Try to work out your differences, with love and respect. Of course, this does not mean allowing healthy limits to be crossed.
•Talk about important issues: Communication regarding important events and issues is vital; allow your spouse to express themselves and try to remain non-judgmental so that talks are fruitful instead of incendiary. Try to avoid the temptation to interrupt; it can be very frustrating for spouses when they feel they are not listened to or that their opinion or interpretation of an event does not matter.
• Keep promises made to each other: Even small promises (like agreeing to take a spouse out to dinner every Saturday or to do the cleaning up on the weekend) need to be kept, so that spouses feel valued. When many small promises are broken over time, it can lead to a loss of trust.
• Be sensitive to your partner’s needs and show them you care enough about them to change behavior that hurts or annoys them: You don’t have to change who you are, but if something you tend to do or say hurts your partner, try to change it to make them happy.
• Do not be a ‘fixer’: In addition to trying to change our spouse, we can also fall into the trap of trying to fix situations and even people, by allowing them to cross limits, or fixing up the damage they may have caused third parties. According to Recovery.org, this is especially true where tough conditions like alcoholism or substance abuse are involved. If you are constantly picking up after your spouse and rushing to the rescue, or fixing problems created between them and other family members, you need to stop, without feeling guilty about it. Encourage your spouse to seek help, but make it clear that you will no longer pick up the pieces they leave behind. This does not mean giving up on them; make it clear that you love them and that you are willing to help them, but do not be afraid to establish your limits and stick to them strictly. This will not guarantee that your spouse will seek the help they need However, according to Harriet Lerner, the focus in any case should be n your own behavior and the changes you need to make, rather than those your spouse needs to make.
• Try to maintain respect and love beyond the ‘honeymoon period’: Don’t stop saying words of love to your spouse; they are necessary and act like a powerful ‘glue’ many years after you say ‘I do’.
By Sherri Goodman
Whether you’ve been together for 4 years or 4 decades, every relationship can use a tune up. Bettering your relationship doesn’t require taking a second honeymoon, going cliff diving together, or any other crazy stunts. You and your partner can strengthen your bond simply by putting a little more effort into areas you may have started to overlook.
Show Your Appreciation
It’s all too easy to take for granted the daily grunt work your partner does in order to ensure that you’re both happy. Paying bills, household chores, and cooking meals—these things are all necessary to make life go smoothly. However, they are seemingly mundane enough that the work that goes into making them happen can be overlooked.
In a recent blog post, Adam & Eve stated, “men who assist their partners with the housework have 50% more sex than the men who don’t.” The statistic wasn’t from a random survey or anything like that, either. The University of California concluded it from a study.
It’s not just about housework, though; it’s more about being helpful. Taking tasks off your partner’s to-do list shows that you understand that their time is valuable. Not only that, but completing chores that benefit you both (doing the laundry, mowing the yard, cooking dinner) show how much you care. By helping, you are acknowledging this and making your appreciation known. Better still, you can complete tasks quicker by working together or dividing them equally.
Try Something New
Over the years you’ve probably come up with a sexual routine, sometimes without even meaning to. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Well, while the saying may be true for cars or appliances, it’s not exactly true when it comes to your sex life. Mixing things up can introduce you to something new that you may enjoy even more than your standard go-tos. Psychology Today writes in this article that trying new things in your relationship can help prevent and alleviate boredom. This will make you feel closer to your partner, happier in your relationship, and more satisfied with life in general.
If you’re hesitant, know that trying something new doesn’t mean you’re doing anything permanent. If you find that even just trying out a new position in the bedroom isn’t for you, there’s nothing wrong with sticking to the classics. What matters is that you give it a shot.
Spend Some Time Apart
This doesn’t mean you should take a break in the relationship, just that you should remember the importance of being your own person.
An article from Success said that too often people would give up the time they used to devote to hobbies or personal pastimes in order to devote more time and energy into a relationship. While a portion of your time is understandable, if not necessary, the problem comes when one partner gives up all of their personal time. Eventually, this can cause them to be emotionally out of balance, leading to “Relationship stress, miscommunication or worse: resentment and emotional pain.”
It’s possible you could benefit from taking some time to yourself without even realizing that you’ve needed it. Try doing something that’s just for you. Take a class, keep a weekly tentative date to spend time with your friends, or just set aside some time to work on a hobby. Engaging in activities can give you confidence, boost your self-worth, and help you reestablish your identity. The side effects can then spill over into your relationship, helping to make it stronger as well. And remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Even people in the most stable relationships have to put the effort into maintaining their bond with their partner. And as much as you may have heard otherwise, it doesn’t take a lot of work. In fact, if it’s something you really care about making happen, it won’t seem like work at all.
Sherri Goodman is a freelance relationship writer and photographer from Richmond, Virginia. When she’s not working you can find her scrounging through sales at outlet malls or cheering on the Virginia Tech Hokies.
Date night for married couples typically consists of dinner, dancing, and hopefully reliving the consummation part of marriage at the end of the night. But Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychology professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook told the New York Times that couples need dates that introduce new, enjoyable activities to keep the relationship fresh and the dopamine flowing in the brain.
Those romantic moments of eye gazing and holding hands will eventually be replaced with familiarity and predictability as long as couples continue with the status quo. There’s no better environment to reinvigorate a marriage than the great outdoors. Here are three ideas for couples to consider.
7-Day Camping Trip
Families with both husband and wife working full time comprised 47 percent of all couples in 2013, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Add children to the mix and that means couples are playing the mom and dad role far more than they are being husband and wife for one another. A week-long camping trip far from home with only your backpacks and tents is the perfect romantic getaway for those in this situation.
Couples should pick a fresh, new destination, that they haven not traveled before. The only food you should take along is saltine crackers, so the two of you are forced to fish and hunt for sustenance. You may only catch one trout or trap one rabbit, which isn’t exactly a large meal. But you’ll be forced to share what you have and be grateful for it. The experience will bring couples closer because there is nobody else to rely on but one another.
The best part about camping is sleeping at night. Cuddling not only lower blood pressure and relieves anxiety, but also lowers cortisol in the brain, aka the stress hormone, according to a 1987 study in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine. Couples will need one another’s body heat in their sleeping bag to stay warm. There are also studies that link frequent sex in marriage to stability and long-term commitment.
There’s a good reason Royal Caribbean and Carnival Cruise Lines are known for their honeymoon packages. The tranquility that comes with being surrounded by water in every direction stimulates romance and love unlike any other environment can. Elaine and Jade Michaels, owners of House Boats For Two in Washington State, told the Seattle Times they specifically outlaw pets and children in their rentals so couples can fully enjoy the company of one another while on the water.
An all-day trip in a rowboat is the perfect weekend getaway, particularly for those living in areas with a lot of navigable waters. Of course any boating excursion, paddle or otherwise, can be ruined by bad weather and shoddy preparation. Make certain you check and re-check the forecast before heading out on the water. Canadians will need an operator card for any motorized vessel, while most American jurisdictions require a license of some sort. Take some Dramamine tablets along as well. They will come in handy for those not used to being on boats and susceptible to sea sickness.
Panoramic views and being one with the outdoors naturally makes hiking a romantic activity for couples. You don’t even necessarily have to live near a national park or mountains, as many cities have trails for these types of getaways.
The key to making the most of a hiking trip is to take your time. Stop and look at plants you’ve never seen. Lie down in the grass together face up, while holding hands and talking about everything from your first date to childhood memories. You may even encounter wildlife that will either be interesting to observe or force the two of you to protect yourselves from imminent danger.
The outdoors is the ultimate elixir to boost and maintain a healthy, romantic marriage. You’ll grow as individuals, but more importantly as a couple.