These exercises deal with the issue of grief. The first three exercises build on themselves in terms of grief. The last two exercises are relationship building in the healing/everyday life process.

Respond to the following questions individually, and then discuss your responses with your partner.

In My Family of Origin

• How were emotions expressed?
• Which emotions were permitted/encouraged?
• Which emotions were not permitted/encouraged?
• Were there differences in emotional expression between men and women?
• How was grief expressed?
• What role did spirituality or religion play in dealing with grief?

In Dealing with Grief (or illness or stress or separation)

I tend to:

• My partner tends to:
• When my partner responds in that way I feel:
• What I really need from my partner is:
• What I think my partner expects from me is:
• What I feel my partner really needs (from me, others, or himself-herself) is:

Three Things I Want (In the Grief Process)

• Three things I want for me:
• Three things I want for you:
• Three things I want for us:

In Our Healing Process: Evaluating Hopes and Fears

Working separately, each person is to make four short lists completing the following:

• My hopes for myself:
• My hopes for my partner:
• My fears for myself:
• My fears for my partner:

Discuss your lists together:

• What did the lists confirm about your partner that you were aware of:
• What new insights did you gain from your partner?
• How have you previously communicated these hopes and fears to each other?
• Have you been reluctant to share any of your hopes and fears with your spouse?
• What action can be planned to ensure that hopes will be realized and fears will not materialize?

What I Love and Cherish in You

As pleasant as it is to feel appreciated and loved, many of us confess an uncomfortable awkwardness when receiving verbal affirmation. Indeed, we often hear ourselves and others denying, belittling, or excusing compliments. This exercise is aimed at helping us become more gracious recipients of verbal gifts.

1. Take time to write down the things you love and cherish in your mate. Consider physical, emotional, and spiritual qualities as well as particular actions.
2. With lists in hand, make some physical contact such as holding hands and take turns going through your list, mentioning all the things you love and cherish in each other.
   
   NOTE: While your partner is telling you these things, your role is to listen and receive, not to analyze or question. Remember, this is an exercise in receiving love, so just drink it in like a sponge soaking up water, or like parched land drinking in rain. Bask in it as you would in warm sunshine.
3. When both of you have completed your lists, share any feelings you have about the exchange and talk about them together.

Three Things I Want, Evaluating Hopes and Fears andWhat I Love and Cherish in You are taken from the Exercises in Intamacy manual published by A.C.M.E.  A copy may be purchase at our online store

*Knee to Knee exercises are designed for couples to use to promote communication and understanding.